Calling Miss Marple

When I stumbled upon the aftermath of murder, I felt certain we would be able to quickly identify the culprit.  I’ve learned the basics for conducting a crime scene investigation from watching countless episodes of CSI and know, along with the detective’s shrewd intelligence, crime scene investigations are usually conducted in the dark using special hand held lights which emit a blue or red glow and the dress code is designed to enable a quick transition to a swanky bar following work.  Simply being aware of these criteria, however, does not mean we will be able to solve our very own Crockern Farm “Who Done It?”

Recently one morning, Sam and I returned from our walk, set out the wild bird feeders and about to feed the chickens, when something gave us pause.  Usually we are greeted with a chorus of demanding squawks and chirps from the chicken coop, which roughly translate as:  “What took you so long?”  “Do you think we want to stay in here all day?”  “Oh sure, you’ve got an opposable thumb and can open the latches, but we’ve got amazing hearing and eye sight, so top that!”  “ You want eggs?  I’ll give you eggs!”  But on this morning, we neither heard a chirp, nor did we see busy hens beating a path to the door.  Instead, Sam and I stumbled upon the remains of a brutal and savage nighttime attack.  The violence evidenced by feathers, blood and body parts strewn about had me convinced it was a Henocide and we had lost all of our chickens.  But a quick assessment of the scene revealed two hens high on a perch, another standing with her back to the incident, as if she just couldn’t process the events, and the fourth in a nesting box laying an egg.

Miss Marple

Miss Marple

Hoping to avoid missing an investigative trick as we grapple to determine the perpetrator and solve the cruel murders of our two hens, I’ve searched the Internet, chicken books and watched Margaret Rutherford playing the amateur detective Miss Marple as she single-handedly solves yet another murder in the village of St. Mary Mead.  Sadly, Roger and I are launching a slightly hampered murder inquiry.  We are seriously short-staffed lacking police officers, CSI units, district attorneys, medical examiners, specialists, detectives and Miss Marple, herself!  It’s up to the home team — me, Roger, Sam and the four surviving hens — to solve this crime mystery.

The steps to which we must adhere are straightforward:  First, Secure the Scene.  This is easier said than done, because the “scene” includes possible witnesses, victims and, of course, suspects and keeping “unauthorized personnel” from moving through the area contaminating evidence.  I failed on this front:  Sam was sniffing everything, the chickens were making a break for the free range world outside of their nighttime home, and I was, well, a little sickened by the brutality before me.  I set down the chicken food and fled the scene.  I brought in Roger as backup.

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Contrary to what I have been led to believe from televised crime dramas, after securing the scene, you don’t immediately start to recover evidence, but must first Define the Extent of the Crime Scene by Conducting a “Walk-Through.”  Every good investigator knows to not touch anything, but this murder was disturbing, and we aren’t preparing a case for criminal court, so Roger and I contaminated the evidence chain and cleared up the massacre.

Hoping to gain an insight into how and why this crime was committed and, more importantly, the point of entry and exit for the perpetrator we turned our attention to the walk-through and pondered:  Who or what would do such a thing?  Why didn’t it kill all the chickens?  Will it return?  How can we tighten security and keep our remaining four chickens safe?

We have a safe newly erected hen house sited within another fenced area, which had served for years as their coop.  Before Roger built the new and improved hen house, two of the older chickens always opted to roost up high, within the fenced-in area.  Two others (the victims) liked sleeping in nesting boxes, again within the fenced area but outside of the hen house.   Weekly security checks of the perimeter to see if there are any gaps in the two-foot thick stonewalls and three layers of chicken wire revealed a seemingly impenetrable boundary.  It was now breached and we needed some fast answers to solve this crime.  With no obvious points of entry or exit, our next step was to Interview Surviving Witnesses.  Unfortunately, our witnesses are chickens and no amount of questioning will help us gain the required overview of that night.   So, we shooed them away, focusing again on how the killer gained access.

As we studied each corner and seam to the chicken’s home, our conversation turned to:  Rule out Possible Suspects.  In any crime, there is a probability the victim knows the culprit and so we had to also consider ourselves.  Unfortunately, we had motive.  One sunny afternoon about a week before the murders, I looked out to see how our vegetable beds were progressing only to spy all six of the chickens turning our lovely winter garden into their private dust baths!  Chickens and vegetables do not go together, unless in a Gumbo.   But Roger and I have alibis!  We were asleep and Sam could testify to that, and besides, we loved those chickens.  Despite our brief and fleeting reasons, we removed ourselves as possible “perps”.

Topping our list of probable suspects is the fox.  Typically, a fox in the hen house – where the prey cannot escape – indulges in what’s known as “surplus killing”, killing far more than it could consume.  Even if not hungry, a fox will kill everything it can and cache it for later use.  This is sensible because not every day is a successful hunting day.  It’s a little like buying extra food and throwing it into the freezer in case we don’t make it to the shops.    Foxes are nimble, so it could have worked its way over the wire along the roofline, but four chickens remained unharmed.  The carcasses of the two killed were not entirely devoured, nor taken back to a den.  This is not typical fox behaviour, so does this make the fox innocent?

Consider the badger.  We’ve spotted it nearby at night and know it is attracted to bird food, layers pellets, and chickens.  We no longer leave the bird feeders out at night, so maybe the badger had turned its attention to our hens!  A quick survey of experts tells us that a badger usually kills by going through the breast, which is consistent with what we found at the crime scene.  Unlike a fox, a badger will stay put and eat what it kills, or just leave behind its kill.  But how did it enter and exit the coop without leaving a gaping hole?

In order to keep the chickens safe with the culprit still on the loose, we have put them into witness protection.  Each night all four hens are placed into the chicken coop, the access ramp removed and the door locked.   This involves catching the two who would prefer to roost up high outside of the hen house.  Any possible holes, even the smallest, have been blocked with stones and additional chicken wire.  And all food is removed.  They are in lock down.  Good thing too as we’ve seen evidence of predator return:  chewed wood, upturned water bowls, and my strategically placed props of wood moved from their original positions.

Loss is never easy.  Roger and I didn’t name these chickens, because we couldn’t tell them apart.  The two who died so horrifically were from the four we rescued in November.  When we brought them home, they had no feathers and looked ready to be cooked except they were walking around.  After a few weeks, their feathers returned and they enjoyed the free-range chicken life.  They scratched and hunted for bugs and worms, they curiously assisted all our outside projects, and they produced gorgeous eggs.  Four months later, two of them copped it.

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30 comments on “Calling Miss Marple

  1. Julia Osborne says:

    Oh I am so sorry about your poor hens. Having seen them recently on the blog I was thinking how healthy they looked. At least they did enjoy some normal life (and probably slightly longer than some used for commercial purposes – even the free range ones!). RIP.

    • Thanks, Julia. It was sad to loose the two so gruesomely, but at least four survived and, being chickens, have absolutely no memory of the events. We’ll be rescuing more sometime soon.

  2. nitty says:

    Pine Marten/ferret and they can get through VERY small cracks!! Good luck

  3. ann dawney says:

    My intuition tells me Sly Tod is to blame. Mike has hated foxes ever since one literally decapitated every one of his mother’s chickens, bred for the christmas market, and to supplement the family income in hard times (the 1950s). But this makes me a PREJUDICED and REMOTE COMMENTATOR and as such I should probably be discounted by the Crockern Crime Squad. Perhaps it was that quiet Mr Brock all along…

  4. Patty says:

    Christopher says it could have been a stoat?
    Sorry for your loss 😦

  5. Paul Blaney says:

    This is clearly a case for Turtle Man.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Call_of_the_Wildman
    He’ll most likely want to stake out your coop for the night. Yeehaw!

  6. Jim says:

    When a murder has been committed, don’t over think it but look for the closest suspect. If a wife has been murdered, suspect the husband first. If a brother is dead, look to the sibling.

    I don’t think it was Mr badger. Nor do I think it was the fox orr the hawk or the black squirrel or the spotted gribbling.

    It was the other chickens.

  7. Sheila Shepheard says:

    Thinking of you in your time of sadness. Sorry, couldn’t find a Hallmark card to suit the occasion.

  8. carol says:

    Is your pen fenced over top? In the hinterlands of N. CA, my neighbor found her much-loved goat, dead, partially eaten, OUTSIDE of the six-foot-high goat pen. Fish and Game was called. They found tacks, set a trap (baited with goat carcass), and captured the culprit. No trial out here in the gun-toting Wild West, the young male mountain lion (recently on his own and just trying to make a living) took a bullet to the head. Have you thought what you’ll do if you manage to identify your chicken killer? Seems that securing perimeters (including over and under) will be critical to raising livestock on the edge as you are. There is always going to be another hungry badger or fox or owl or lion or rattlesnake doing what’s natural.

    • There is a roof above the very tall fencing. And, we don’t have any big-game mountain lions here in the UK. Getting over the small gap at the top would likely be a fox, and s/he would have likely killed all our chickens. Still leaning towards the other prime suspect: badger.

  9. Joanne Levtan says:

    Enjoyed this episode of CSI Dartmoor immensely. Time to put up a chicken cam and catch the culprit. You could use the nanny cam approach and conceal it in a stuffed chicken (as opposed to a teddy bear). So sorry for your loss. I guess sending chicken soup would be a faux pas.

  10. yvonne says:

    With deepest sympathies. We are all thinking of you at this sad time. I hope you work out who the culprit is and send those posh hunting folk on a mission. Xxx

  11. Sorry for your loss of two rescued chickens. At least you gave them a good life and now are protecting the rest of the gang.

  12. Sue says:

    Cath-

    Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with a candlestick…since the victims were unnamed, wouldn’t they be Jane Does?

    • Not certain about Colonel Mustard in the drawing room as he would have used the door (required with the roll of the dice) and it was definitely locked. Access was much trickier — perhaps Miss Scarlett?

  13. Bettina Koester-Smith says:

    Deepest Sympathy!
    How about a weasel, stout, ferret, rat?

    • Possible, but still unlikely. There was a return visit a week ago, and there was a large hole in the fencing on this event. The chickens were all safe, and we’ve reinforced the fencing even further. It is a secured location now….and I still think that it must be the badger given the way the two chickens were killed. Thanks for your thoughts.

  14. Andrea says:

    Terribly sorry to hear about this fowl play and that your witnesses were too chicken to talk…. They’ve obviously been badgered into their silence.

    If you look for tunnels, perhaps you’ll ferret out your culprit. Those badger setts can be quite elaborate systems.

    While you are figuring it out, perhaps you can gain some insight from Czech composer, Leos Janacek from his opera ” the cunning little vixen”

    This is the scene of the fox in the chicken coop.

    http://www.youtube.com/watchv=CdizWXmz96Y

  15. Just caught up with this… Large hole might rule out smaller ratty / weasley / stoaty creatures. I’m guessing you are close to a river / stream. How about Mink? [Sad story, liked ‘shell-shocked’ reference though].

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